Words, Self-Talk and Binary Communication

Some ways to evaluate our words as we use them to define our expectations for and assumptions about our dogs.

Language can be the ghost in the machine directing our actions. Examining and reconfiguring our repeated phrases and words used can alter how we're interacting. Language becomes a habit creating rituals.

I made a table with the linguistic potholes I often so am sensitive to.

Suggest Examining	Replacement Stratagies
“Make him/her….” Often precedes a behavior important to the handler and one the dog possibly doesn’t understand, care about or may want to avoid. Here, dog and handler have different understanding of what each of you is doing next. You imagine your dog acting out what you’ve envisioned as the required next step. Your dog acts on what is logical to them which is not ‘that thing’. This invites a disconnect. The space between what you expect to see and you are seeing from your dog becomes a gap between you. Gaps are rarely closed by force.	Think about what you want or need them to do in an automatic or instantly cooperative manner (the word make = force or compel). Try breaking down what you envision into what steps are required from your dog: · What does it look like in it’s finished form · What are the steps needed to arrive at the finished form · Why does it matter? · A reinforcement history can really help a behavior matter to a dog. What does optimal reinforcement look like for your dog. Fading the mandatory aspect of this we can translate or present this to our dog in a with achievable steps.
“Get them to_______” ‘Get him to sit’ ‘Get her to come back’ Subtly dismissive language transitions to muting your dog’s feedback about what you want to get them to do. ‘Get’ may indicate that we are skipping teaching steps with our dogs in the current situation.	Think about where you want to get them in proximity to you or what position you want to get them into. When I have a ‘get them’ challenge I deal with it by reframing my thinking.so that when I wanted to use the word I rephrase what I was requesting the dog to do often by breaking down what I am asking from my dog into the steps my dog needs to take to ‘make it happen’.
Stubborn As often as this word has been discussed its usage persists when describing dogs across many segments of dog world. In my experience, the label ‘stubborn’ equates to misunderstood and miscommunicated with. We are positioning our dogs as unwilling to cooperate with what they are being strongly encouraged to do. On occasion, people do make assumptions that a behavior is organic to all dogs except for their dog who is too stubborn to behave as expected.	Ask yourself what ‘stubborn’ looks like to you in the moment you’re using it. Experiment by asking if this image could be based in misunderstanding/fear or a lack of foundation knowledge for the task. Also, are you and your dog having different conversations in the moment when the stubbornness appears? Is it possible that your intensity or frustration is off putting to your dog and they are not attempting to end the conversation and are attempting to avoid you.
Command I perceive two tiers of disconnection with the usage of this word: 1. When people say ‘Command’ they hear ‘Order’ in their head. This is not an issue if your dog complies with what you’ve asked them to do. 2. If your dog cannot complete what you’ve requested of them and you perceive it as them disobeying an order then you may feel diminished. Think ‘Commanding Officer’. There is an assumption of mandatory compliance from your subject. The word command carries with it an implication of universal knowledge in your dog. If they ‘know their commands’ the implication is that they can perform the behaviors, they’ve been taught in every location and that if there is not universal compliance it is the fault of the dog. That, itself, opens many toxic possibilities in a relationship	Command sometimes appears to need a replacement strategy a way to lighten language and by extension, approach to our dogs Using a different word instantly shifts the balance of power in the interaction. Cue is the word being used right now. Some are more comfortable using ‘ask’. Eliminating the word command is an important first step in creating a more open and collaborative relationship founded in mutual learning.
Fix I can fix this. I need to fix this This seems to have begun in competition world and moved into dog world in general. This deindividualizes a dog and turns them into a widget needing to be adjusted for better (for the human) functionality.	This invites the binary reality of a dog being either optimal or broken. There are many ways to reframe this which open creative thinking as well as elaborating on what we see as the challenge facing either our dog or our perception of what our dog is capable of both at this point and maybe in their lifetime.
Won’t My dog won’t ____________ This rings like a finite definition as though your dog will never ________. Like they have made a decision to never do something or that we can’t change their mind,,,,ever. We all change our minds and many times how we’ve presented something is impacting opinions.	A rephrase is ‘doesn’t like to’ ‘doesn’t have experience with’ “Had a negative experience with” ‘Is afraid to” And sometimes the handler has an investment in the dog either doing or not doing something and we’re influencing them by accident.
"Trained" This word travels with so many rabbit holes!! It is used in social media as a gateway to a perfected, push button dog. Trained dogs don't need understanding, compassion, patience or further work because they've 'got it' now. They're finished.	Practice Toward We are in charge of our dogs' progression and learning.
They know this. ~which is linked to~ They should know this. Are you sure they know this right here and in this environment? Because if you’re not seeing them doing it then there is an issue with how well they know how to perform the behavior you’re asking from them. This can also be language we use to predict our dog’s performance because ‘they know this’. Sometimes we assume their knowledge and that alone may lead to us missing signals that they are giving us of uncertainty or a lack of preparedness.
They can’t________ I’m targeting the specific use of this work when it’s describing a behavior that is upsetting to the owner or dangerous to the dog. The difficult part of using ‘can’t’ with our dogs is that the behavior we want to expel from our dog’s repertoire is often a behavior they can easily accomplish with or without our permission. I often hear a sense of powerlessness accompanying this language. The handler feels ill equipped to address a challenge they are facing with their dog and it’s overwhelming them.	Examine and define what you need your dog to ‘not’ do. I look at this in two categories: · What is a safety risk to the dog like car chasing, resource guarding or running away. (Here contacting help from a behaviorist, trainer or talking with your vet is usually helpful) · What is annoying to the handler, like jumping on visitors or counter surfing. (May require assistance from a trainer and also my benefit from reassessing how the situation can be managed to reduce practicing of the bahavior)