LwL8 Let them Lead

Nobody has a crystal ball. I didn’t know who Luna was going to grow up to become. I couldn’t be certain of what I was preparing her, myself or anybody else to work through with her as she matured. Our dogs are strangers to us when we bring them home exactly like we are strangers to them. Planning for what seems to work for them and by extension works for us is fraught with opportunities for us to create dreaded lists of ‘have to’s’ and ‘can’t do’s’. Due to the uptick of nearly biblical or religious instruction and edicts about dog training on social media, I’ve observed almost superstitious beliefs in absolutes increasing across the dog world. So, even as we appear to be learning more about the science and magic of working and living with dogs we often appear to know less and to doubt our instincts almost reflexively. Like we're running our thoughts through someone else's filter.

It’s easy to forget that science and magic are not mutually exclusive:0) The magic of connection, teamwork and forward thinking with all parties being 100% *in* is like a miracle.

And it’s a miracle we can think ourselves out of when we allow our instincts to be muffled by the experiences, examples and words of others.

Additionally, it seems almost everyone now has the Cesar Milan standard of the perfect Loose Leash Walk lingering in the back of their mind. The CM walk is a story for another day so suffice to say that almost everyone has The Walk on their to do list or their wish list. From what I’ve heard from his devotees, he inserts human authority into the handler dog team and the dog is expected to acquiesce subserviently to the authority of the Great Human. CM’s accidental followers (People mirroring him while vilifying him ) are those who promise that exact walk though they teach it with purely positive methods. Purely positive and force-free solutions to the CM walking standard and those systems are vulnerable to prioritizing the walk over the dog and the ‘look’ over the experience.

In Luna-Land, the things we did on the road were a work in progress and the things that we did at her house were to stimulate her mentally, drawing on points of connection.

Luna’s personality was well defined and her strengths were evolving and becoming recognizable as she matured. We could think we found a rule or habit that worked in a situation and we’d get comfortable and then ‘boom’ we’d need a new or modified way to do the same thing. The best way I figured out to counteract my pesky desire for an ‘every time’ rule of thumb for her was trust Luna. This was an evolution not a plan or road map.

In hindsight, letting go of rules as ‘must haves’ liberated us both. It took some of the responsibility off of my shoulders of having all the answers about meeting Luna’s needs ‘every time and in every way’ when we traveled. Luna didn’t have to contend with me doing inorganic things to check off boxes.

The quieting of omnipotence opened a little bit of freedom for creative thinking:0)

Field Trips

I had the feeling that novel locations would be really hard for Luna, partially because she ventured away from home. I did not have unlimited time to take Luna on frequent trips to new places. Maybe because of this I made more of a big deal about field trips than I needed to. Or maybe I did everything right;0) We’ll never know at this point.

Luna didn’t always feel comfortable in new situations. My plan was to set up a mat as sort of a landing pad to help us orient in new places. Then move on to exploring the new place after she could self-regulate by the car. To me and my ‘thumb’ brain this made perfect sense and it gave me a system I could follow on road trips. Except that sometimes being deprived of access, even a tiny bit of access, to the new place was stressful to Luna and self -regulation was made a bigger challenge. I was asking Luna or forcing her to function in a situation where it was I made it harder not easier.

Had I stuck to my belief that ‘this would work and this would make everything easier’ ( in human terms easier often equates to faster) I would have robbed myself of now cherished opportunities to learn from and with her. I could also have intentionally or unintentionally ignored her uncertainty in novel situations instead of working with her to sort out a better way to meet new places. Setting her up to win had a definite project aspect so I had to be willing to step back here and there as we worked forward.

Adjustments were most often simple. Seeing the benefit of making adjustments was where the work needed to be done.

Luna had fundamental and slightly shifting needs which remained unaddressed by my rush for a definitive (Right-Now) system for the trips we were taking. I needed to make room for experimentation or getting to approximate what was successful. Success being defined as Lune having a positive experience not by me following my Luna-Script.

We will never know everything about the dogs we live and work with because we were never supposed to have that level of power and control. I chose to frame our trips as learning opportunities and chances for us to approximate successful practices of what we’d begun practicing in Luna’s kitchen. Here are some of the questions I might ask myself when working with Luna away from her home. Me asking these questions made us a stronger team.

1. How are assumptions driving my decision making?

   1. Do I expect her to automatically succeed?

   2. Do I expect her to automatically be challenged?

2. Can I state with confidence that I know what novelty looks like to Luna in this environment? (example - (When we went to a pet supply store I thought seeing about thirty random people close together would be an issue for her and she couldn’t have cared less. ) In other words, the dog defines novelty for the dog.

3. How might our home practice help us here?

4. Are there opportunities for Happy Novelty?

5. Is there any chance I can take pictures!!

One of the last times I took Luna out for a drive we had the best time. At some point later I will do a little piece about something else I learned from Luna which is that the dog defines the trigger. I think there are a fair amount of environmental contrasts, background creatures that we can leave alone if our dog doesn’t seem to care about them. This even applies to ‘reactive’ dogs, in fact i think it heavily applies to them. Is there a fine line where we are creating or charging triggers in our dog's world instead of accepting their daily definition of what is a problem for them and what's not a problem for them as truthful information.

This reminds me of what Jean Donaldson said, ‘dogs don’t lie’. I add to that, so believe them when they’re showing you how they feel about their experiences. They may not get to choose the location, because we are almost always doing that for them, the feelings they have are their own and the skills they use to negotiate new places come from their personality and what skills we have taught them.

Letting them lead opens us up to making life with our dogs a team sport and a shared experience of learning. Every day, discoveries and learning happen for the first and only time between you and your dog. Every relationship with a new dog is like reaching out and grabbing onto Halley's comet. You only get one chance with each dog. Finding beauty in learning and progressing makes everything so much better with each dog we have the gift of knowing.

**How I define novelty is by labeling anything that makes Luna balk and look like she’s mentally reviewing her ‘to do’ list in search of how to proceed.

Copyright Emily Rogeness 2022